Monday, October 26, 2015

champagne supernova

Writer's block and depression is worse than taking pills with alcohol. 

I know I can do this. I have approximately 7,750 words to write, with tomorrow's deadline looming overhead. No big deal -- I've done more with less time. 

This, however, is exceedingly difficult.

Recently my husband confessed to cheating on me, and life's been a bit hard ever since. I've gone back-and-forth with the idea of moving out... but the "right" choice continues to elude me.

Every time I open a new document in Word my eyes seem to glaze over. The cursor blinks, taunting me, mocking me, reminding me of all the happiness I had hoped to have had.

The easy choice would be to just leave. No big deal -- I've done it before. 

The hard part is accepting the finality of it all. I've gone a month so far with the idea that we could work things out, that maybe this problem can be resolved. 

But I don't think it can. All I think about is the Why's. And when it isn't the Why's, it's the Where's, Who's, What's, and When's. 

I have deadlines to meet, invoices to send, and bills to pay. I literally cannot afford to choke right now. My savings are blown and my accounts are empty. 

Depression is a sneaky monster. It whispers things directly into your brain in a way that makes your worst doubts seem like absolute reality. It makes you tired, irritable, and anxious, but worst of all -- it makes you feel hopeless.

I am not hopeless. I am not hopeless. I am not hopeless.

Rinse, wash, repeat.

3 comments:

  1. Well I had shit past too and I got cheated from my girlfriend also,depression and loose wieght but the most important thing is never give up because if you will leave you will more hurt people around you who loves you even tho you think they dont.
    Great post. ;)

    ReplyDelete